The End of the Month

I can't quite believe that I have managed to stick this out until the end, especially with how hard I have found it to write in the last week. 30 blogs in 30 days! When I started this almost a month ago, first of all I didn't know what I was going to write. Secondly, I didn't know if anybody was going to read what I had to write. Finally, was the stuff I have wrote going to be any good? I must admit, I was quite scared to take up a challenge like this, It is nothing compared to some of my other fellow bloggers who have took the challenge to write a blog a day and a 50,000 word novel all in the month of November or even those who have wrote a novel this month. Maybe I will save that for next year. I have always enjoyed writing, and know I always will enjoy writing. I have liked the response to some of my blogs, obviously every writer enjoys the praise or to be told somebody likes what you are doing, me included. I appreciate the criticism of some of the things I have wrote and the disagreements about my opinions on certain things. Some days it wasn't easy to sit down and just write about something for this blog, especially the days I had a particularly stressful or busy day at work. Other days I would surprise myself with what I managed to write.

The most surprising blog for me has to be the poem I wrote while suffering a massive hangover a few weeks ago Last Night. It nearly wasn't a poem at all and would have been me just whinging about being hungover if I hadn't fallen back asleep before deciding to write. I really enjoyed writing that poem as well because it is a story within the poem I wrote. I look back and read it and it makes me smile. I like using emotion to write because the process is so much easier for me, the words just flow and I don't have to try particularly hard when I write like that. Although I don't know quite how to react when somebody tells me I have made them cry, I just want to give them a big hug. There have been things I have nearly wrote and moment has slipped away because I have been busy or at work etc. On the other hand, I have wanted to write about things that I know would receive much criticism. But I have dared not dent my ego to that extent, well not yet anyway. I have just flirted a little bit with some of these topics I want to discuss hidden in amongst my other blog posts from this month. People who know me well have noticed and warned me off but recently I saw on a friends facebook the words of Eleanor Roosevelt. "Do what you feel in your heart is right - for you will be criticised anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't". With those word echoing in my mind, I will hopefully show the courage to write about things I know I will get criticised for.

I have been surprised by the people who have mentioned that they read my blog to me and I wouldn't have expected it from some of them. I know others just sit silently reading what I post with no mention that they have popped by, but I really am thankful that you have been reading because it has spurred me on to keep writing. When I thought about writing this last blog of the month, I wanted to end with a witty quote or some wise words of wisdom. But nothing seems more adequate than one message of support I received that really made me feel humbled. It is from a friend I had lost touch with and not spoken to for a while.

Turn the other cheek ...

I learned today somebody was scared of me, I knew that this person doesn't like me or possibly hates me but scared of me? Well I tried to protest my innocence, then realised it is probably just a bit of a game to make me look like the bad person. I didn't have time to really dwell on this because I had to go straight out to lunch at the pub and it wasn't really the topic of discussion. That prize went to my mate Colin, yes the guy who has guest blogged for me earlier on in the month. He had decided to go AWOL for a few days and nobody had heard from him. Then just before we sent out a search party/reported him missing he turns up and we have to remind him that he does actually have friends. He just wanted some down time, we thought he might have been kidnapped. That would've been a cooler story apart from we wouldn't pay his ransom. (sorry Colin).

I am not a Christian, but I like to think I got brought up with the best of Christian Morals. (Prepare to cringe). I am sure that in the bible somewhere it says that we must turn the other cheek. So when I think about this person that hates me or anyone that doesn't like me for that matter, I just want to help them through their issues. But I don't think it is just me who feels this about other human beings. I enjoy helping people, but not because it makes me feel good inside. (It does but thats not the point I want to make). Other people in this world will always need a helping hand from somebody in their time of need. It might even be little things: walking home tonight a girls shopping bag split and Colin just without saying a word helped pick up a few items. Her face was instantly lit up with gratitude. I just think sometimes in life we all need a little help picking up our shopping off the floor when the bag splits.

Remembrance Day- Everlasting....

So I have just finished a bit of a hectic day at work, the store wasn't too busy but I seemed quite busy myself. Throughout today I have been thinking about what I could write for day 9 of the National Blogging Month challenge. Yesterday I managed to write a poem and today, well today I have been quite frankly stuck for ideas. Well until about 5 minutes ago so I thought I better write something now before my sudden burst of motivation goes. It sort of carries on from the theme of poetry I started yesterday and as it is Remembrance Sunday tomorrow it is kind of topical. A little background the poem is called Everlasting by Cindy Zhao who was amazingly only 14 when she wrote this and it won the Royal British Legion's War

Poetry Competition. I think you will agree how the style is simple yet effective and just sort of dances along. 

Everlasting...

His Version

The long, dark sky looms up ahead

As 2000 soldiers are not properly fed.

We fight and we hurt, to save others lives

But we go down like a bullet, there’s evil in knives

Blood pours out quickly across the sand

There’s nobody there to give a helping hand

We moan through the pain and we cry and we cry

And we say our prayers until we die

Trumpets ring true when the leaders arrive

We all stand up straight, we need to survive

My men surround me, all full of hope

But thinking back now, how would we have coped?

We hear news of survivors in our troupe

But it’s just a rumour going round a loop

We dress in black and mourn for the best

Even though it’s the one we all detest

Flashbacks appear when Christmas comes

And everyone is huddled together, we weigh tonnes

Tears drip down men’s cheeks, we weren’t born to cry

But sometimes it just ends up falling out of my eye

We say bye to loved ones as our happiness fades

We realise it was just a charade

And off once again to fight for rights

To fight for life in the starry nights.

Her Version

Huddled by myself, besides the warm fire

Makes my aching heart fill with desire

To see the man I truly love

As sweet as summer, as pure as a dove

His pictures sit on windowsills

Grinning, Laughing, giving me chills

As I can’t bear to think anymore

For he may be lost in the dreadful war

My heart doesn’t stop pounding, never skips a beat

I look out of the window, the bluebirds tweet

They sing their song, so happy inside

But I feel okay, I’m full of pride

Watching the TV screen with wide, open eyes

To see what’s really beyond the bright blue sky

As my best friend fights to save people’s lives

I just hope that he survives

A tear drips slowly from my eye

If he doesn’t come back I’m going to die

A newsflash breaks across the screen

It’s making a huge scene

The reporter says the war has ended

I scream and shout, it is intended

My wish, my dream, my hopes have come true

And someday they will for you…

My Version

She was waiting anxiously for him to arrive

But unfortunately he didn’t survive

The world had ended, their lives apart

But their souls forever connected, joined with their heart.

When I first heard this poem it was recited on Remembrance in Sheffield a few years ago, I haven't really read the poem that much since my second year when I used it for part of an Emotional Intelligence module. I was in a very sad and sombre state when I first heard this poem. Remembering people who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country is one thing but when you are there and it is the faces of some of your friends, their laugh, their voice, their smell that is the worst feeling in the world. It is sadness, guilt, despair all mixed in together. As I heard this poem I could really relate to the man in it, I was taken into the poem and that man was me. Although a feeling of depressiveness often occurs when I read this, the poem also gives me a sense of pride, of joy, of hope that there is something better out there. 

        

What if money were no object?

Today I watched this video after a friend shared it on twitter.

A little background info: Alan Watts is a British-born American philosopher best known for bringing Eastern wisdom into the Western world. 

Obviously, as you can see I was inspired to write this blog after watching this video. It also sort of ties in with my previous blog (What shall I do now?) The concept of money not being an issue in life is certainly a strange one to most people. For me, money has always been an issue. I come from a very working class background where money was always short in my house, but we got by on the little money we did have. I got a paper round when I was 13 and suppose I have been in some sort of work ever since. That would make 13 years work experience, wow I feel old! Anyway at school I did well and was offered a place to study A levels at my sixth form but there was just one problem, money...

 I didn't go to sixth form but instead joined the army which I had always been fascinated with and if I'm honest seemed like a much more exciting option than doing my A levels anyway. I was earning more money than I have ever seen in my life and training to be a soldier all at 16!. I talk more about this in another blog (War, What is It good for? ). For me at that point in my life I suppose money wasn't much of an issue. All my accommodation expenses etc came out my wage before I even noticed them, I'd bought a car out right and could easily afford the things I wanted to buy. In terms of other jobs the army wage is quite modest but I was doing something I wanted to do without thinking about the money.    

Since then I have had jobs I have enjoyed, but It has always been about the money and doing the job as a means to survive and get by. That is part of the reason I eventually came to university and got a degree. But now I seem to have come full circle and find myself asking what would I do if money were no object? Well, I was speaking to a friend last night and we were discussing my future career and she assures me I will be running B&Q one day and I love it more than I want to admit. It is true, I do have huge passion for the company I work for and some great ideas on what it should do to grow in an international marketplace, the only problem is I work in my local store not in head office. Kevin, I know you are only just settling in to your new role as CEO but if by some miracle you are reading this please sort me out a transfer onto your new team.  

So for me I suppose the answer to the question is I want to be in a position where I can use my degree and experience to its full potential while helping others. I have a degree in International Business with Philosophy and 13 years work experience in a variety of industries (including my local paper shop!). If anyone reading this knows of any jobs where I could use that potential, then let me know. 

Oh yeh, it must pay good money of course :P ...       

 

What shall I do now?

I finished university in May and since then I have had plans to start a postgraduate course which fell through and so I find myself here. But where is here exactly? Well throughout my time at university studying I was lucky enough to have a job. For the past 3 years I have worked at my local DIY store, mainly at the weekends until recently. Now I find myself working full time hours there which obviously means more responsibility and more time spent there. I have always tried to do my best at work, especially when it comes to helping the customer. But since I have started full time I have been noticed more in doing a good job at work and appreciated by more colleagues. I have even been chosen along with 6 others to go to a trade show in Lille at the end of this week. But thats for a different blog. 
At the end of the summer in Malia, I did some soul searching and decided that I want to help people. The problem is I don't know where that is going to take me. I have a degree in International Business & Philosophy with an interest in just about everything. The choice that appealed to me the most at first was to be a teacher and help change the lives of young people. But whilst studying my degree I really liked the HR modules I did and helping people progress their career and  development seems also very interesting to me. The dreamer in me wants to change the world, so maybe a job in the Civil Service as a Diplomat is the right step to take? My current job is advertising for an "Aspire" programme to become a trading manager after an intensive 6 month course. I am currently applying for it, because strangely enough I actually enjoy my job. Its different everyday & I get to help people. Most of the people I have worked with over the past few years have made me have more passion for home improvement and our little store. Many graduates I know don't have a job at all so I know I am in a fortunate position to be able to apply for something like this. I am still not changing the world, but I've got the rest of my life to do that, right?  

                                      

War, What is it good for?

As I sit here in Preston on a grey cloudy afternoon trying to focus on my dissertation my thoughts are 3000 miles away in the hot desert of Iraq. 10 years ago to the day since the country was invaded to fight a "war on terror”. 10 Years ago I was 15, still at school playing a silly amount of sports to keep me busy and doing well at school. By this point I had already decided that the army was going to be my future. Getting paid to play soldiers is good right?

I was bright enough to go to sixth form, my mentor and head of sixth form offered me the place there regardless of my upcoming GCSE results several times. I turned down the offer, I wanted to get away, carry on playing sport, have a good job and get paid for it. If any of you have ever been to Burnley, you might understand.

I had been 16 barely 3 months and I was walking through the gates of AFC Harrogate. 10 months I was there and to say I grew up in that time is more than an understatement. People say that coming to University is the transition from childhood to adulthood, a stint at AFC Harrogate will do that to anybody. My father died recently but the proudest day of my life thus far was seeing tears in his eyes as I marched passed him on finishing my training there. The memory is so vivid still and that was 9 years ago.  

Fast forward a few years, I am now 19 in a hot foreign land doing all the things we practised a million times in training. It might have been 35 degrees outside, but trust me that is better than -10 in the Brecon Beacons and snow. Compared to training these conditions were luxury, but the threat was very real. It wasn’t just a game anymore; people’s lives were at stake. To liberate a nation from an evil dictatorship who posed a serious threat to the world. Forget about the politics I was there to do a job and when it comes right down to very basic survival instincts what would you do? As it happens I did really believe I was fighting the good fight for a just cause.  While I was there, many things happened and sometimes the days felt like weeks and weeks felt like months. Every other day or so there would be a fire fight. I was only involved in one serious one and I know I was lucky that day. Some people were not so fortunate during my time there.

In the last year two of my closest friends have died whilst serving on operations. Both fighting the “War on terror” and both believing what they were doing was just and right. Every time I hear that a British serviceman has died I feel like a part of me has also died but for it to be somebody particularly close to me hurts beyond compare. One leaves behind a fiancée who is at a loss with the world and her career now and grieving in another continent as far away from this world as possible. She called me a hero and compared me to her dead boyfriend and one of my best friends. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I felt guilty at first and then immense pride. I don’t take compliments very well, I went to London in February and a stranger said a similar thing to me. It makes me very humble that people can hold me in that esteem. People like my friends are the real heroes though; they died fighting for a righteous cause that they believed in. Me, a hero? Pftt I am nothing but a mere man.     

I left the Army just before I was 21 after 4 and a half years, I didn’t want to leave but was medically forced to leave. Some people say that you can never let go of the army no matter how long you have been away. But it is the army that never lets go of you, it is always a part of your heart and your soul. Maybe I was the lucky one, I got away.