The End of the Month

I can't quite believe that I have managed to stick this out until the end, especially with how hard I have found it to write in the last week. 30 blogs in 30 days! When I started this almost a month ago, first of all I didn't know what I was going to write. Secondly, I didn't know if anybody was going to read what I had to write. Finally, was the stuff I have wrote going to be any good? I must admit, I was quite scared to take up a challenge like this, It is nothing compared to some of my other fellow bloggers who have took the challenge to write a blog a day and a 50,000 word novel all in the month of November or even those who have wrote a novel this month. Maybe I will save that for next year. I have always enjoyed writing, and know I always will enjoy writing. I have liked the response to some of my blogs, obviously every writer enjoys the praise or to be told somebody likes what you are doing, me included. I appreciate the criticism of some of the things I have wrote and the disagreements about my opinions on certain things. Some days it wasn't easy to sit down and just write about something for this blog, especially the days I had a particularly stressful or busy day at work. Other days I would surprise myself with what I managed to write.

The most surprising blog for me has to be the poem I wrote while suffering a massive hangover a few weeks ago Last Night. It nearly wasn't a poem at all and would have been me just whinging about being hungover if I hadn't fallen back asleep before deciding to write. I really enjoyed writing that poem as well because it is a story within the poem I wrote. I look back and read it and it makes me smile. I like using emotion to write because the process is so much easier for me, the words just flow and I don't have to try particularly hard when I write like that. Although I don't know quite how to react when somebody tells me I have made them cry, I just want to give them a big hug. There have been things I have nearly wrote and moment has slipped away because I have been busy or at work etc. On the other hand, I have wanted to write about things that I know would receive much criticism. But I have dared not dent my ego to that extent, well not yet anyway. I have just flirted a little bit with some of these topics I want to discuss hidden in amongst my other blog posts from this month. People who know me well have noticed and warned me off but recently I saw on a friends facebook the words of Eleanor Roosevelt. "Do what you feel in your heart is right - for you will be criticised anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't". With those word echoing in my mind, I will hopefully show the courage to write about things I know I will get criticised for.

I have been surprised by the people who have mentioned that they read my blog to me and I wouldn't have expected it from some of them. I know others just sit silently reading what I post with no mention that they have popped by, but I really am thankful that you have been reading because it has spurred me on to keep writing. When I thought about writing this last blog of the month, I wanted to end with a witty quote or some wise words of wisdom. But nothing seems more adequate than one message of support I received that really made me feel humbled. It is from a friend I had lost touch with and not spoken to for a while.

Turn the other cheek ...

I learned today somebody was scared of me, I knew that this person doesn't like me or possibly hates me but scared of me? Well I tried to protest my innocence, then realised it is probably just a bit of a game to make me look like the bad person. I didn't have time to really dwell on this because I had to go straight out to lunch at the pub and it wasn't really the topic of discussion. That prize went to my mate Colin, yes the guy who has guest blogged for me earlier on in the month. He had decided to go AWOL for a few days and nobody had heard from him. Then just before we sent out a search party/reported him missing he turns up and we have to remind him that he does actually have friends. He just wanted some down time, we thought he might have been kidnapped. That would've been a cooler story apart from we wouldn't pay his ransom. (sorry Colin).

I am not a Christian, but I like to think I got brought up with the best of Christian Morals. (Prepare to cringe). I am sure that in the bible somewhere it says that we must turn the other cheek. So when I think about this person that hates me or anyone that doesn't like me for that matter, I just want to help them through their issues. But I don't think it is just me who feels this about other human beings. I enjoy helping people, but not because it makes me feel good inside. (It does but thats not the point I want to make). Other people in this world will always need a helping hand from somebody in their time of need. It might even be little things: walking home tonight a girls shopping bag split and Colin just without saying a word helped pick up a few items. Her face was instantly lit up with gratitude. I just think sometimes in life we all need a little help picking up our shopping off the floor when the bag splits.

Tomorrow is a new day

It started as I woke up, thinking of things I thought I had forgot, things I didn't want to be reminded of, things that are better left in the darkest recess of my mind. I didn't need this today, I didn't need my mind to lose a battle of wills with itself before I even got out of bed. I didn't choose to be depressed today, the fog of depression chose to descend on me out of nowhere. That war I am fighting inside my own head, well today I lost a battle with it. I drifted through the day and tried to shift my focus onto something else, first of all a careers fair. I can do this right, I am good at talking business with just about anyone. Well I was there in body only it seems, I saw one stand that caught my eye when I looked beyond the attractive recruiters that had been sent to represent their companies. 

Mcdonald's for lunch would surely do the trick to cheer me up a bit, If only I was so lucky. I knew I should've bought that coat I like even at that ridiculous price. So I didn't buy the coat, probably just as well with how expensive my phone bill is this month. I came home and tried to distract myself by playing on GTA V. It worked, I started to feel better just in time to realise I had 3 psychometric tests that needed completing by the end of the day. Being quite an avid reader helped with the verbal reasoning test and I was on a high after finishing it. Next was logic, I felt I did ok, maybe about average. Last of all was numerical reasoning, well there is nothing like messing a test up to make you feel like utter crap. I got a 1st in my accounting module at uni, but I just cracked under pressure with this assessment! 

Now I am sat here preparing to do it all over again at a management assessment day  for work. Throw in a couple of group exercises, an individual exercise and an interview in front of a panel and that completes the rest of the day. But hey, tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow I am going to have a good day.      

What is wrong with the England National Team?

The good thing about being English is that as a nation we are always optimistic right? Now I am not naive enough to think that we put one of the best sides ever out against Chile last week, although I would start Jay Rodriguez every time & why hasn't Danny Ings got a call up yet to the senior squad? Also while I am on the subject, how can you leave somebody with the fire and passion that Joey Barton shows out of our national team? Most men would love Roy Hodgson's job as the England manager and we would all probably make lots of changes to the side that is starting tonight against what can just about be described as a German reserve side. The last time we played a full strength German side we lost 4-1 so maybe I am a little bit glad of that. 

I saw a stat before tonights game that showed 48% of German players play in the Bundesliga compared to 26% of English players playing in the Premier League. Now I know straight away people will say, "but the Premier League is the best league in the world". No, it is not. What the Premier league is, is everything that is wrong in this world. It is full of players who came to play in England for the highest bidder of their "talent". Once they are here, they either move around to the club who offers them the most money or pretend they want to move so their current club gives them more money. We only have to cast our minds back to this summer and the exploits of Rooney, Suarez and Tevez to name a few to see this is the case. For a start to stop this being the case, we need to introduce wage caps into the game across at least all the European teams. This needs to be put in place sooner rather than later. I totally think that quotas on the amount of foreign players in squads in the EPL should be put in place. This will force clubs to develop our own national talent at grassroots level. This used to be the case, before the Bosman ruling many leagues across Europe placed quotas on the amount of foreign players allowed in a team. In fact in the Champions league and UEFA cup, UEFA had a rule that prohibited teams from naming more than 3 foreign players in these competitions!. 

Until all this happens England have little chance within the next few decades of dominating world football. Who am I though to say what must and mustn't happen for the England national side to be successful. I am too young to remember Euro 96 in our own country. The first memories of me watching England are France 98 with the likes of Scholes, Beckham, Owen and Shearer playing. In the second round we came up against Argentina, Owen scored THAT goal, Beckham got sent off and we lost on penalties, I cried. Admittedly I was only 11, but still thats how much it meant for me to see the the national team do well. That is how much it will always mean to me. That is how much it should mean to each and every player, every coach, and every manager every time they go and and represent our country friendly or not. Everyone saw the heart and passion Greece played with in Euro 2004, maybe just maybe if England can recreate that, we might have a glimmer of hope next year in Brazil.   

      

Last words.

Admittedly, yesterday's blog ("You will soon meet the person you admire") was not really meant to take the direction it did. I had planned to write about famous people I admire when I started but it took a completely different turn. But thats what I enjoy about the way I am blogging, I just sit down and start writing. I was thinking about my dad after watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother and I suppose thats why last night I wrote the blog the way I did. Really though I wanted to talk about that episode today because I know it is subject matter that is quite emotional and raw for me. The episode was entitled "Last words" and basically the gang travel to Minnesota for the funeral of Marshall's father, and they each try to ease the situation as much as possible. Lily supports Marshall's mum but ends up aggravating her, and Marshall is upset when he remembers that, in their last conversation, his dad encouraged him to watch Crocodile Dundee III. There is a bit of a twist in the plot, but I'll save that in case any of you have never seen that particular episode.

I'm sat here in bed on my day off wearing my Liverpool shirt (It was his favourite team) and thinking of all the times I enjoyed and spent with my father. I try to think of the last words he said to me, or even the memory of the last time I actually saw him. It was a few days after my sisters 21'st birthday party and I went round to see him before coming back to Preston. We had a brew, with cream milk of course and were just talking in general about life. He was asking me about university and we were talking about the upcoming Olympics in London and I remember him saying "you know, if you had kept up with your running you would be there at your home games Stewart." I really was never ever even close to being at that level, but just remembering that he said that really made me smile because of how much my dad believed in me.

Just before throwing up after a race that summer. 

My dad gave me a lift back over to Preston with my nephew Harrison in tow and that was the last time I saw him alive. My dad knew he was ill and so did I, so every time I saw him I would always make a point of telling him I loved him and giving him a big hug. He told me he loved me and to take care and that was the last time I spoke to him ever in person. Not long after he was taken into hospital and although I went to see him once, he wasn't awake or in a state to talk to me. He came out again and was back at home so I thought he would be fine, only to be rushed back in again a day or so later. I thought he would be ok, or maybe I was in denial that he wasn't going to be ok. I felt like if I didn't acknowledge he was that ill than he wouldn't die. I had spoke to my mum and sister that day and they both told me I couldn't ring him because he was a bit groggy etc so I sent him a text.    

My mum gave me the bad news several hours after I sent this and I really didn't believe her on the phone. I was just in a state of shock. I had to text and ring my brothers and sister just to make sure I wasn't dreaming or it wasn't a nightmare. Looking back, it makes me happy that our last exchange of words with each other are happy ones. My mum confirmed he managed to read my text and that makes me feel warm and happy that he did. I try to keep strong in the knowledge that I am carrying on my father's legacy and making a difference in this world no matter what I do.

We are all so busy sometimes in the modern world that we forget about what is really important to us. If the worst happened and somebody who you cared about right now died, what would be the last words you exchanged with them? Or how long ago would it have been since you spoke to them? Often we all take for granted the things or people that mean the most to us in our lives, but we would do well just to stop and acknowledge just how great these people are to us.

   
        

Children in Need walk ..

Today I did a charity walk from the B&Q chorley store to my store in Preston, via Bamber Bridge as part of B&Q's 1 million pound pledge to Children in Need. There was 13 of us in total, including Pudsey (AKA Paul Ainsworth) himself. The day started with everyone in good nature and looking forward to the challenge of walking almost 13 miles through the heart of Lancashire. For some more than others it really was a challenge and that became evident as the day progressed. Every time I do an event for charity, I always feel very humbled to be asked to take part and this was no exception. The weather did its bit for us and the dreaded rain that was forecast stayed away. It was a bright and breezy day, with a chill in the air but once we were on our way it soon warmed up, especially for Pudsey.

We got lots of support along the way and a lot of drivers and people we walked past stopped to donate and give Pudsey a big hug of course. We saw mothers and fathers walking with children and seeing their little faces light up when they saw Pudsey and gave him a big hug made us all smile so much and gave us the morale booster we needed to carry on walking to help other children who need our help. One of the best moments of the day was when we walked past a Primary school and all the children were on their break, when they saw Pudsey they could not contain their excitement and all went a little bit crazy. Good luck to whoever had to teach them this afternoon.

We didn't quite get a huge welcome party at Bamber Bridge when we got there, but alas it was time for a quick pit stop and chat to to some of our colleagues who worked there. We then had a bit of a lunch break at Morrisons where unfortunately Pudsey had a bit of an accident and walked straight into a ballard, Clumsey Pudsey :P. But like a true professional he carried on waving to his adoring crowd and we all collected a bit of money from the shoppers there. I don't think the Dogs Trust were too happy, but hey you can't compete with Pudsey.

The final stretch and 2 miles from home, well my store anyway and a nice woman pulls up and donates £40 and wishes us good luck on the rest of our journey. Some people were clearly struggling at this point but they carried on and that womans generosity gave each and every one of us the determination to get to the end.
After a long walk up London road, we were almost there and rang ahead to let our colleagues who were working know. I don't think anybody has ever been so happy to see a B&Q as much as us before and outside we had a big welcome party with champagne to congratulate us on our efforts of the day. I just want to say from everyone who walked if you were one of the people just giving us a pip on the road or waving at us and donated on the walk thank you very much you kept us all going today. Thank you to everyone else who has kindly offered to sponsor us and if you haven't yet, it is never too late :P

         

(Good) Customer Service

Yesterday, I let Colin talk of his experiences with bad customer service and if you haven't read his blog yet, you can do so here (Lack of) Customer Service. So I thought today I would chat about good customer service. Which is something I am very passionate about. Before I start, I just want to say that I agree with everything he is saying in his blog about how large companies often forget the very basics. It is no secret that I work for a large multi national company with the biggest DIY market share in the UK and much of Europe. Now people will argue that we have forgot the little guy and customer service is not important. In fact a quick look at the B&Q twitter feed will tell you that all we seem to do is dealing with problems or giving bad service across our stores. As consumers, we expect good service all of the time and rightly so. But I often feel that we don't shout enough about good service as individuals enough. If somebody is really nice to us in a shop or a store, we might tell one or 2 of our friends but rarely write a letter or take to twitter to tell the company.

I have recently started on the showrooms department in my store and this is an area that as a customer you would expect the best kind of service, especially if you are spending 5 or 6 thousand pound on a kitchen. I don't work in a  massive store so naturally we don't have all the stock of everything we sell and a lot of items have to come from our suppliers or from our large fulfilment centre. So my job often involves negotiating earlier delivery times for bits of customers kitchens. Naturally at this time of year they want it before Christmas, but with a few things we haven't had enough stock etc. In one case, my colleague drove around the whole of the region picking up bits of stock for various customers so we could get it to them in time because the supplier or fulfilment centre had not got them to our store on time for delivery. There is another colleague who works tirelessly in her office all day often correcting everyone elses mistakes so nothing does go wrong with a customer's order then she will coach that person on what to do right next time. Her job role tells her to escalate it to a manager, but then it wouldn't get done in time anyway and there would be far more issues. Me, well it has just gone 6 o'clock and I "finished" work an hour ago after not even getting chance to have a lunch break properly because I was that busy. Also, I have just got off my mobile phone to a customer and a colleague in store so they could arrange another delivery for the customers order.

I think what frustrates me personally is that from the outside it seems very easy to criticise big companies but from the other side I know there are individuals like myself and many other of my colleagues who do their utmost every single day to give the best customer service every day. I am not saying there are not people who could not care a less because there are people like that in every organisation unfortunately. Or even that  we don't get things wrong because we are only human at the end of the day. But to me and many people in similar roles such as mine the little guy is still important because that little guy is me, its you, its our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers. it is all of us.

   

Finding my happy place..

Eminem's new album is on in the background. There are clothes and bits of  rubbish all over my room and me, well I am sat here at my desk writing this blog. Today, yesterday, pretty much any day around this date are always particularly sombre days for me as my previous blog My Remembrance Sunday  and to some extent War, What is it good for?  explain. Anyway today, after wallowing in self pity for a while and trying to distract myself by watching funny things on youtube etc. I decided I need to tidy my room. While in the process I found a book that was a gift from last Christmas. I had already read the book, hence why it was just left lying around my room. I dropped the book and as I picked it up and opened the front cover I discovered it was signed by the author! Somebody had took the time to not only buy me a book by an author I like but got to the trouble to get it signed too. It instantly put me in a better mood, I was so happy! It is from a series of books by Joseph Delaney, called the Wardstone chronicles that follow the adventures of a boy called Tom Ward as he fights evil forces across The County (Lancashire) and beyond. Its much cooler than I am managing to make it sound so checking out his website is probably a better idea Spooks Books. 

After the initial happy reaction, my memory takes me back to a time when I first started reading these books. I was going through a pretty bad time in my life and to be swept up in his world of fantasy and adventure with familiar places from the area I grew up was refreshing. I have read all of his books since and plan to go and watch his first film as soon as it gets released. It just made me reflect and think how very different my life is compared to what it was then. I never thought I would have a degree, at times I didn't think I would be here at all. But everyone has their bad and good days and sometimes when you are feeling down or having a bad day it just helps to escape into another world. Well for the time being at least!

"Someone has to stand against the dark and you are the only one who can"   

At the going down of the sun and in the morning, We will remember them.

Remembrance Day- Everlasting....

So I have just finished a bit of a hectic day at work, the store wasn't too busy but I seemed quite busy myself. Throughout today I have been thinking about what I could write for day 9 of the National Blogging Month challenge. Yesterday I managed to write a poem and today, well today I have been quite frankly stuck for ideas. Well until about 5 minutes ago so I thought I better write something now before my sudden burst of motivation goes. It sort of carries on from the theme of poetry I started yesterday and as it is Remembrance Sunday tomorrow it is kind of topical. A little background the poem is called Everlasting by Cindy Zhao who was amazingly only 14 when she wrote this and it won the Royal British Legion's War

Poetry Competition. I think you will agree how the style is simple yet effective and just sort of dances along. 

Everlasting...

His Version

The long, dark sky looms up ahead

As 2000 soldiers are not properly fed.

We fight and we hurt, to save others lives

But we go down like a bullet, there’s evil in knives

Blood pours out quickly across the sand

There’s nobody there to give a helping hand

We moan through the pain and we cry and we cry

And we say our prayers until we die

Trumpets ring true when the leaders arrive

We all stand up straight, we need to survive

My men surround me, all full of hope

But thinking back now, how would we have coped?

We hear news of survivors in our troupe

But it’s just a rumour going round a loop

We dress in black and mourn for the best

Even though it’s the one we all detest

Flashbacks appear when Christmas comes

And everyone is huddled together, we weigh tonnes

Tears drip down men’s cheeks, we weren’t born to cry

But sometimes it just ends up falling out of my eye

We say bye to loved ones as our happiness fades

We realise it was just a charade

And off once again to fight for rights

To fight for life in the starry nights.

Her Version

Huddled by myself, besides the warm fire

Makes my aching heart fill with desire

To see the man I truly love

As sweet as summer, as pure as a dove

His pictures sit on windowsills

Grinning, Laughing, giving me chills

As I can’t bear to think anymore

For he may be lost in the dreadful war

My heart doesn’t stop pounding, never skips a beat

I look out of the window, the bluebirds tweet

They sing their song, so happy inside

But I feel okay, I’m full of pride

Watching the TV screen with wide, open eyes

To see what’s really beyond the bright blue sky

As my best friend fights to save people’s lives

I just hope that he survives

A tear drips slowly from my eye

If he doesn’t come back I’m going to die

A newsflash breaks across the screen

It’s making a huge scene

The reporter says the war has ended

I scream and shout, it is intended

My wish, my dream, my hopes have come true

And someday they will for you…

My Version

She was waiting anxiously for him to arrive

But unfortunately he didn’t survive

The world had ended, their lives apart

But their souls forever connected, joined with their heart.

When I first heard this poem it was recited on Remembrance in Sheffield a few years ago, I haven't really read the poem that much since my second year when I used it for part of an Emotional Intelligence module. I was in a very sad and sombre state when I first heard this poem. Remembering people who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country is one thing but when you are there and it is the faces of some of your friends, their laugh, their voice, their smell that is the worst feeling in the world. It is sadness, guilt, despair all mixed in together. As I heard this poem I could really relate to the man in it, I was taken into the poem and that man was me. Although a feeling of depressiveness often occurs when I read this, the poem also gives me a sense of pride, of joy, of hope that there is something better out there. 

        

What if money were no object?

Today I watched this video after a friend shared it on twitter.

A little background info: Alan Watts is a British-born American philosopher best known for bringing Eastern wisdom into the Western world. 

Obviously, as you can see I was inspired to write this blog after watching this video. It also sort of ties in with my previous blog (What shall I do now?) The concept of money not being an issue in life is certainly a strange one to most people. For me, money has always been an issue. I come from a very working class background where money was always short in my house, but we got by on the little money we did have. I got a paper round when I was 13 and suppose I have been in some sort of work ever since. That would make 13 years work experience, wow I feel old! Anyway at school I did well and was offered a place to study A levels at my sixth form but there was just one problem, money...

 I didn't go to sixth form but instead joined the army which I had always been fascinated with and if I'm honest seemed like a much more exciting option than doing my A levels anyway. I was earning more money than I have ever seen in my life and training to be a soldier all at 16!. I talk more about this in another blog (War, What is It good for? ). For me at that point in my life I suppose money wasn't much of an issue. All my accommodation expenses etc came out my wage before I even noticed them, I'd bought a car out right and could easily afford the things I wanted to buy. In terms of other jobs the army wage is quite modest but I was doing something I wanted to do without thinking about the money.    

Since then I have had jobs I have enjoyed, but It has always been about the money and doing the job as a means to survive and get by. That is part of the reason I eventually came to university and got a degree. But now I seem to have come full circle and find myself asking what would I do if money were no object? Well, I was speaking to a friend last night and we were discussing my future career and she assures me I will be running B&Q one day and I love it more than I want to admit. It is true, I do have huge passion for the company I work for and some great ideas on what it should do to grow in an international marketplace, the only problem is I work in my local store not in head office. Kevin, I know you are only just settling in to your new role as CEO but if by some miracle you are reading this please sort me out a transfer onto your new team.  

So for me I suppose the answer to the question is I want to be in a position where I can use my degree and experience to its full potential while helping others. I have a degree in International Business with Philosophy and 13 years work experience in a variety of industries (including my local paper shop!). If anyone reading this knows of any jobs where I could use that potential, then let me know. 

Oh yeh, it must pay good money of course :P ...       

 

Are you a dictator or a leader?

What have Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein all got in common? They are all famous dictators I hear you say. Well yes, but the point I want to make is that they all led by using fear. If you were different or spoke out against these people you were duly dealt with. Now unfortunately, there are some world leaders still in place across the world with these sort of ideals but I will save my opinion on them for a different day.

What I am struck by is how similar some peoples management style is in various companies to those leadership styles of Hitler, Mussolini and Hussein. I have friends, and work colleagues who have worked in a variety of jobs. the fact that this type of style still happens in workplaces is shocking. I know of one retail company where a manager would "take you outside" if you had a problem and fights were a regular occurrence. Many more where the words "sack that person or you lose your job" are used far too often. They lead by using fear to oppress their workforce into doing a good job but have no respect from their staff. It is still the case that in many organisations that these people in authority have been at a company for years. Their managers previously have been nasty, on a huge power trip and a little bit lazy so they chose to lead like that but are maybe a little nicer. Well that is where the system is flawed, if you want to get the best out of any staff under your control it is about respect and treating them as your equals. That way people will want to come to work every day and do their best for you and in turn your performance as a manager will also improve because you are getting the best out of staff.

In life I think the best managers I have worked for have been those who lead by example. But it seems in some circles this is frowned upon by other managers. Now, what would you prefer? A person who gets stuck in and helps you with your job etc and does their management stuff as well or somebody who just seems to be sat in an office or standing around telling you what to do, when half the time they could've done something themselves quicker. It is a respect thing too, If you see somebody in charge of you etc working their arse off to make a difference than you will respect them a lot more than if it is you and your colleagues running around while they shout out the orders.

I am inherently English and very proud to be so but the best portrayal of leadership I have seen was Mel Gibson playing William Wallace in Braveheart.

 "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"      

National Blog posting month

Admittedly I am a little late to the party but thats the cool thing to do right? If I am being honest I didn't even know this existed until I read about it in a friends blog Textbooks and Cliches. Seriously check her out, shes cool and aiming for a whole novel this month. Although I would love to try and do that one day, for now I am just aiming for a blog a day. I am fairly new to blogging so thought it would be a good way to just get into the habit of writing on a more consistent basis than I have in the past. It is not that I haven't had a fleeting thought for a blog post, a lot of it was just having the motivation to sit down and write something without others thinking it was stupid and pointless. I posted 6 times last month and had lots more ideas to write about so I know this everyday blog will be much more of a challenge. I aim to write the full 30 posts even though I am starting 5 days late. There is lots of tips and helpful hints from the blogging community on the NaBloPoMo website to hopefully see me through to the end. The good thing about blogging is that the topics can be as varied as you want. You only have to check out my other posts to see that :). 

All the best people arrive to the party late so why don't you get involved. You can sign up here NaBloPoMo Blogroll and don't worry if you don't already have a blogging site set up Wordpress  makes things really easy for you or if you already have a gmail account Blogger is useful and easy to use. What are you waiting for? Dive in and get blogging :). 

The Value of Love....

It has just gone 1 am and my brain won't switch off,  I have been thinking about a few things I wanted to write about while I was at work tonight but just kept dismissing them in turn but now I have just decided to write anyway and see where this takes me. If you have read my other posts, you can see by now I don't really have any logical order about the way I discuss things and just say what I am feeling or thinking about. 

 If you are a twitter user like me (@Stewart_Martin1) maybe you follow UberFacts. Well, according to one post I saw recently, love can be valued at $263,158 or £164,000 to those of us who like to keep things nice and British :). Now, I don't really agree that something like love can have a monetary value on it. People are worth lots more than any amount of money, whether it is friends, family or partners. They are all unique to us and part of our life stories in different ways. In the last 16 months or so I have lost 4 people who I loved all in unique ways that have disappeared out of my life story.

We all wonder that inevitable question "What If?" at various points of our lives. What if I had spent more time with someone?... What if I had said yes ... or even no? What if I had uttered I love you or told someone I loved them more?... What if I had shown more compassion... or even anger?  What if I did it all differently? Would this have changed anything? Perhaps, maybe I would feel less guilty about just little things I could've done differently before people died or simply walked out of my life for good. But the thing about the past is that it can not be changed, although I sometimes wish I had a time machine. We are all going to make mistakes in our lives, because that is what makes each of our lives unique, there was nobody like you on this earth before you and never will be again.

 If you are ever wondering What if? and are in a position to do something about it, than do it. Because life is to short for regrets. Say yes more, make contact with your old friends, don't be afraid to say I miss you, If you care about somebody than show them, always try to smile, tell people you love them and spend time with the people you treasure in your life.  I wish that I had lost £656,000 in the last year, that would have been so much easier to take away from me than the value of those people. Love is unique to each and every person which is what makes it so special I guess. No value should ever be given to the importance of love, it is priceless.  

War, What is it good for?

As I sit here in Preston on a grey cloudy afternoon trying to focus on my dissertation my thoughts are 3000 miles away in the hot desert of Iraq. 10 years ago to the day since the country was invaded to fight a "war on terror”. 10 Years ago I was 15, still at school playing a silly amount of sports to keep me busy and doing well at school. By this point I had already decided that the army was going to be my future. Getting paid to play soldiers is good right?

I was bright enough to go to sixth form, my mentor and head of sixth form offered me the place there regardless of my upcoming GCSE results several times. I turned down the offer, I wanted to get away, carry on playing sport, have a good job and get paid for it. If any of you have ever been to Burnley, you might understand.

I had been 16 barely 3 months and I was walking through the gates of AFC Harrogate. 10 months I was there and to say I grew up in that time is more than an understatement. People say that coming to University is the transition from childhood to adulthood, a stint at AFC Harrogate will do that to anybody. My father died recently but the proudest day of my life thus far was seeing tears in his eyes as I marched passed him on finishing my training there. The memory is so vivid still and that was 9 years ago.  

Fast forward a few years, I am now 19 in a hot foreign land doing all the things we practised a million times in training. It might have been 35 degrees outside, but trust me that is better than -10 in the Brecon Beacons and snow. Compared to training these conditions were luxury, but the threat was very real. It wasn’t just a game anymore; people’s lives were at stake. To liberate a nation from an evil dictatorship who posed a serious threat to the world. Forget about the politics I was there to do a job and when it comes right down to very basic survival instincts what would you do? As it happens I did really believe I was fighting the good fight for a just cause.  While I was there, many things happened and sometimes the days felt like weeks and weeks felt like months. Every other day or so there would be a fire fight. I was only involved in one serious one and I know I was lucky that day. Some people were not so fortunate during my time there.

In the last year two of my closest friends have died whilst serving on operations. Both fighting the “War on terror” and both believing what they were doing was just and right. Every time I hear that a British serviceman has died I feel like a part of me has also died but for it to be somebody particularly close to me hurts beyond compare. One leaves behind a fiancée who is at a loss with the world and her career now and grieving in another continent as far away from this world as possible. She called me a hero and compared me to her dead boyfriend and one of my best friends. I was so overwhelmed with emotion, I felt guilty at first and then immense pride. I don’t take compliments very well, I went to London in February and a stranger said a similar thing to me. It makes me very humble that people can hold me in that esteem. People like my friends are the real heroes though; they died fighting for a righteous cause that they believed in. Me, a hero? Pftt I am nothing but a mere man.     

I left the Army just before I was 21 after 4 and a half years, I didn’t want to leave but was medically forced to leave. Some people say that you can never let go of the army no matter how long you have been away. But it is the army that never lets go of you, it is always a part of your heart and your soul. Maybe I was the lucky one, I got away.