The End of the Month

I can't quite believe that I have managed to stick this out until the end, especially with how hard I have found it to write in the last week. 30 blogs in 30 days! When I started this almost a month ago, first of all I didn't know what I was going to write. Secondly, I didn't know if anybody was going to read what I had to write. Finally, was the stuff I have wrote going to be any good? I must admit, I was quite scared to take up a challenge like this, It is nothing compared to some of my other fellow bloggers who have took the challenge to write a blog a day and a 50,000 word novel all in the month of November or even those who have wrote a novel this month. Maybe I will save that for next year. I have always enjoyed writing, and know I always will enjoy writing. I have liked the response to some of my blogs, obviously every writer enjoys the praise or to be told somebody likes what you are doing, me included. I appreciate the criticism of some of the things I have wrote and the disagreements about my opinions on certain things. Some days it wasn't easy to sit down and just write about something for this blog, especially the days I had a particularly stressful or busy day at work. Other days I would surprise myself with what I managed to write.

The most surprising blog for me has to be the poem I wrote while suffering a massive hangover a few weeks ago Last Night. It nearly wasn't a poem at all and would have been me just whinging about being hungover if I hadn't fallen back asleep before deciding to write. I really enjoyed writing that poem as well because it is a story within the poem I wrote. I look back and read it and it makes me smile. I like using emotion to write because the process is so much easier for me, the words just flow and I don't have to try particularly hard when I write like that. Although I don't know quite how to react when somebody tells me I have made them cry, I just want to give them a big hug. There have been things I have nearly wrote and moment has slipped away because I have been busy or at work etc. On the other hand, I have wanted to write about things that I know would receive much criticism. But I have dared not dent my ego to that extent, well not yet anyway. I have just flirted a little bit with some of these topics I want to discuss hidden in amongst my other blog posts from this month. People who know me well have noticed and warned me off but recently I saw on a friends facebook the words of Eleanor Roosevelt. "Do what you feel in your heart is right - for you will be criticised anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't". With those word echoing in my mind, I will hopefully show the courage to write about things I know I will get criticised for.

I have been surprised by the people who have mentioned that they read my blog to me and I wouldn't have expected it from some of them. I know others just sit silently reading what I post with no mention that they have popped by, but I really am thankful that you have been reading because it has spurred me on to keep writing. When I thought about writing this last blog of the month, I wanted to end with a witty quote or some wise words of wisdom. But nothing seems more adequate than one message of support I received that really made me feel humbled. It is from a friend I had lost touch with and not spoken to for a while.

Carvery

Tonight I went to the carvery with friends after having not been since the beginning of the summer. I used to love going out for Sunday lunch every week with either family or friends but with having a job in retail it is very hard to find the time to do that anymore. So I jumped at the chance to go and have a carvery, it saved me cooking any tea after work too. The aroma of all the different meats, gravy and vegetables hit my nostrils as I walked into the pub and made my mouth water. I could not wait to eat, I ordered an extra large carvery which meant I got more meat and all importantly an extra large yorkshire pudding. 

I enjoyed the company of the people I was with, especially because I got judged for having too little on my plate. everyone elses was piled high with food because their eyes were bigger than their belly. I just about managed to finish all my food and even just had room for some pudding. It is safe to say I am now stuffed and don't feel like eating for a week. I will definitely be trying to make more time to visit the carvery from now on tho.  

Last words.

Admittedly, yesterday's blog ("You will soon meet the person you admire") was not really meant to take the direction it did. I had planned to write about famous people I admire when I started but it took a completely different turn. But thats what I enjoy about the way I am blogging, I just sit down and start writing. I was thinking about my dad after watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother and I suppose thats why last night I wrote the blog the way I did. Really though I wanted to talk about that episode today because I know it is subject matter that is quite emotional and raw for me. The episode was entitled "Last words" and basically the gang travel to Minnesota for the funeral of Marshall's father, and they each try to ease the situation as much as possible. Lily supports Marshall's mum but ends up aggravating her, and Marshall is upset when he remembers that, in their last conversation, his dad encouraged him to watch Crocodile Dundee III. There is a bit of a twist in the plot, but I'll save that in case any of you have never seen that particular episode.

I'm sat here in bed on my day off wearing my Liverpool shirt (It was his favourite team) and thinking of all the times I enjoyed and spent with my father. I try to think of the last words he said to me, or even the memory of the last time I actually saw him. It was a few days after my sisters 21'st birthday party and I went round to see him before coming back to Preston. We had a brew, with cream milk of course and were just talking in general about life. He was asking me about university and we were talking about the upcoming Olympics in London and I remember him saying "you know, if you had kept up with your running you would be there at your home games Stewart." I really was never ever even close to being at that level, but just remembering that he said that really made me smile because of how much my dad believed in me.

Just before throwing up after a race that summer. 

My dad gave me a lift back over to Preston with my nephew Harrison in tow and that was the last time I saw him alive. My dad knew he was ill and so did I, so every time I saw him I would always make a point of telling him I loved him and giving him a big hug. He told me he loved me and to take care and that was the last time I spoke to him ever in person. Not long after he was taken into hospital and although I went to see him once, he wasn't awake or in a state to talk to me. He came out again and was back at home so I thought he would be fine, only to be rushed back in again a day or so later. I thought he would be ok, or maybe I was in denial that he wasn't going to be ok. I felt like if I didn't acknowledge he was that ill than he wouldn't die. I had spoke to my mum and sister that day and they both told me I couldn't ring him because he was a bit groggy etc so I sent him a text.    

My mum gave me the bad news several hours after I sent this and I really didn't believe her on the phone. I was just in a state of shock. I had to text and ring my brothers and sister just to make sure I wasn't dreaming or it wasn't a nightmare. Looking back, it makes me happy that our last exchange of words with each other are happy ones. My mum confirmed he managed to read my text and that makes me feel warm and happy that he did. I try to keep strong in the knowledge that I am carrying on my father's legacy and making a difference in this world no matter what I do.

We are all so busy sometimes in the modern world that we forget about what is really important to us. If the worst happened and somebody who you cared about right now died, what would be the last words you exchanged with them? Or how long ago would it have been since you spoke to them? Often we all take for granted the things or people that mean the most to us in our lives, but we would do well just to stop and acknowledge just how great these people are to us.

   
        

At the going down of the sun and in the morning, We will remember them.

Throwback Thursday

Back when I was a Fresher and it was cool to dress up near enough every uni night out. Promo was still in business and actually got people in 53 degrees every week for their club night on a thursday. This is a picture of me and Richard having a great night at such an event. Anybody got a time machine spare?  

Me and Richard Eccles