Hangover - conversation with myself...

I awake with that dreaded headache again. Oh no, it is the hangover reminding me of all my poor life choices last night. Why did you drink so much? Because it was cheap of course, but why did you do shots and drink jager bombs as well. I don't know leave me alone. Well guess what Stewart, you have got to go to work today and deal with yourself. But can I not just lie here and wallow in my self pity all day eating crap food and watching funny clips of cats on youtube? No, no you most certainly can not. Well maybe for a little while but only because you start at 12 today. Oh thats good, I will feel better by then. Yes of  course you will, just drink that pepsi on the side from last night. Oh wait it tastes of wine, eh that is not right! I wasn't drinking wine last night, was I? No I don't think you were, but now you are going to have to get your sorry arse out of bed and brush your teeth before you are sick. But I don't want to get up. Tough if you don't I'll make you sick all over these nice clean bedsheets. Ok, ok I'll go to the bathroom. Right, shower now because you need to freshen up. Oh shit, you didn't wash the work trousers that fit you properly so now you are going to have to wear them really tight ones just for being such a shit bag with your personal admin. Oh Stewart, wasn't there something you were meant to do this morning before work. Oh no, brain why didn't you remember that sooner I really hate you at times. Well that is your own fault for slowly killing little bits of me with alcohol. Ok, well I promise I won't drink as much next time as long as you remember more important things rather than that stupid song that is stuck in my head. Stewart, why are you not dressed yet? Look at the time, you can't wallow today so get up and stop watching them stupid videos. Ok, ok I am going but I need to eat. There is a butty van at work don't worry. But I wanna be healthy today. Pfft, who are you trying to kid. Ok, I get it, I am a fat slob. Well yes you are now get to work!!.

My Remembrance Sunday

It was a bright and crisp sunny morning as I walked into town today. Mothers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters, strangers and friends alike. All stood side by side in front and surrounding the cenotaph as I arrived. The service had already started but I mingled and found a spot amongst the crowd. On days like this I am always in a somewhat sombre mood. 

The service continued, I even prayed aloud. 2 minutes silence to remember the fallen, remember the brave. To remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice so that me and you can continue to live and can speak our views with freedom. The Last Post sounds and a tear rolls down my cheek as I think of strangers fighting on the battlefronts of both World War One and Two, then in all the conflicts since. Of my friends who have served but are no longer here I feel especially sad for them. The national anthem starts and I feel proud to have served my country, I look around & see current members of our armed services and feel immense pride in them. 

I feel that often we take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. So I hang around after the service to place a cross on the cenotaph as my own personal act of remembrance to the fallen.Today is not about if you think a war is just, or if the government is corrupt. It is about remembering those who died for our freedom so that we may express those types of opinion. 

"At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them" 

Remembrance Day- Everlasting....

So I have just finished a bit of a hectic day at work, the store wasn't too busy but I seemed quite busy myself. Throughout today I have been thinking about what I could write for day 9 of the National Blogging Month challenge. Yesterday I managed to write a poem and today, well today I have been quite frankly stuck for ideas. Well until about 5 minutes ago so I thought I better write something now before my sudden burst of motivation goes. It sort of carries on from the theme of poetry I started yesterday and as it is Remembrance Sunday tomorrow it is kind of topical. A little background the poem is called Everlasting by Cindy Zhao who was amazingly only 14 when she wrote this and it won the Royal British Legion's War

Poetry Competition. I think you will agree how the style is simple yet effective and just sort of dances along. 

Everlasting...

His Version

The long, dark sky looms up ahead

As 2000 soldiers are not properly fed.

We fight and we hurt, to save others lives

But we go down like a bullet, there’s evil in knives

Blood pours out quickly across the sand

There’s nobody there to give a helping hand

We moan through the pain and we cry and we cry

And we say our prayers until we die

Trumpets ring true when the leaders arrive

We all stand up straight, we need to survive

My men surround me, all full of hope

But thinking back now, how would we have coped?

We hear news of survivors in our troupe

But it’s just a rumour going round a loop

We dress in black and mourn for the best

Even though it’s the one we all detest

Flashbacks appear when Christmas comes

And everyone is huddled together, we weigh tonnes

Tears drip down men’s cheeks, we weren’t born to cry

But sometimes it just ends up falling out of my eye

We say bye to loved ones as our happiness fades

We realise it was just a charade

And off once again to fight for rights

To fight for life in the starry nights.

Her Version

Huddled by myself, besides the warm fire

Makes my aching heart fill with desire

To see the man I truly love

As sweet as summer, as pure as a dove

His pictures sit on windowsills

Grinning, Laughing, giving me chills

As I can’t bear to think anymore

For he may be lost in the dreadful war

My heart doesn’t stop pounding, never skips a beat

I look out of the window, the bluebirds tweet

They sing their song, so happy inside

But I feel okay, I’m full of pride

Watching the TV screen with wide, open eyes

To see what’s really beyond the bright blue sky

As my best friend fights to save people’s lives

I just hope that he survives

A tear drips slowly from my eye

If he doesn’t come back I’m going to die

A newsflash breaks across the screen

It’s making a huge scene

The reporter says the war has ended

I scream and shout, it is intended

My wish, my dream, my hopes have come true

And someday they will for you…

My Version

She was waiting anxiously for him to arrive

But unfortunately he didn’t survive

The world had ended, their lives apart

But their souls forever connected, joined with their heart.

When I first heard this poem it was recited on Remembrance in Sheffield a few years ago, I haven't really read the poem that much since my second year when I used it for part of an Emotional Intelligence module. I was in a very sad and sombre state when I first heard this poem. Remembering people who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country is one thing but when you are there and it is the faces of some of your friends, their laugh, their voice, their smell that is the worst feeling in the world. It is sadness, guilt, despair all mixed in together. As I heard this poem I could really relate to the man in it, I was taken into the poem and that man was me. Although a feeling of depressiveness often occurs when I read this, the poem also gives me a sense of pride, of joy, of hope that there is something better out there. 

        

The Value of Love....

It has just gone 1 am and my brain won't switch off,  I have been thinking about a few things I wanted to write about while I was at work tonight but just kept dismissing them in turn but now I have just decided to write anyway and see where this takes me. If you have read my other posts, you can see by now I don't really have any logical order about the way I discuss things and just say what I am feeling or thinking about. 

 If you are a twitter user like me (@Stewart_Martin1) maybe you follow UberFacts. Well, according to one post I saw recently, love can be valued at $263,158 or £164,000 to those of us who like to keep things nice and British :). Now, I don't really agree that something like love can have a monetary value on it. People are worth lots more than any amount of money, whether it is friends, family or partners. They are all unique to us and part of our life stories in different ways. In the last 16 months or so I have lost 4 people who I loved all in unique ways that have disappeared out of my life story.

We all wonder that inevitable question "What If?" at various points of our lives. What if I had spent more time with someone?... What if I had said yes ... or even no? What if I had uttered I love you or told someone I loved them more?... What if I had shown more compassion... or even anger?  What if I did it all differently? Would this have changed anything? Perhaps, maybe I would feel less guilty about just little things I could've done differently before people died or simply walked out of my life for good. But the thing about the past is that it can not be changed, although I sometimes wish I had a time machine. We are all going to make mistakes in our lives, because that is what makes each of our lives unique, there was nobody like you on this earth before you and never will be again.

 If you are ever wondering What if? and are in a position to do something about it, than do it. Because life is to short for regrets. Say yes more, make contact with your old friends, don't be afraid to say I miss you, If you care about somebody than show them, always try to smile, tell people you love them and spend time with the people you treasure in your life.  I wish that I had lost £656,000 in the last year, that would have been so much easier to take away from me than the value of those people. Love is unique to each and every person which is what makes it so special I guess. No value should ever be given to the importance of love, it is priceless.  

Burnley, top of the league?

I had always flirted with football at a young age but didn't really support a particular team. I had been to a few Burnley games with family but my dad was a Liverpool fan and Man United were the team of the moment. But it was James Mcdonough who swayed me to be a true claret. Since I have known him he has always been Burnley mad and by year 8 at school we had a season ticket together with some of our other friends and started following Burnley home and away. Stan Ternent was in charge and we finished second in the old division 2 as it was then. We were many people's favourites to come straight back down after that but we finished agonisingly close to the playoffs twice, something even a last minute Paul Gascoigne free kick couldn't help us with. I can't even remember where we finished the seasons that followed but it was somewhere in mid table, still I was sad when Stan Ternent left the club. He was the only manger I had known being in charge of the club and his last game was an emotional one for me. Steve Cotterill followed and quite frankly to be honest we were lucky to stay in the Championship while he was in charge with some of the results including a 19 game winless streak in 2006/2007. By 2008/2009 Owen Coyle was in charge and led us to the promised land of the Premier League, many people argued that our demise back to the Championship was the result of him leaving to our local rivals Bolton.

Since our relegation we have been mediocre to say the least but this season we have had the best start ever to a season in history. Yesterday we won 2 nil at home to the much fancied for promotion QPR with players in their side probably on double or triple the wage of our players. What I was impressed with and have been impressed with this season is the belief and confidence our players have against any team. For towns like Burnley, when the football team does well it lifts the whole town. If you have ever been to Burnley, you would understand the key part the club plays. Take a look around and there is not much there and for many people the only thing they believe in is the club. Pundits always seem to be amazed when our club does well, we are far from financially comfortable and have one of the lowest wage expenditures in the league. Just like the town our club is in, it has one of the lowest average wages in the country and some government advisors in a recent report have even said it should just be forgotten. Well our little football team is making sure that doesn't happen. We have the squad, manager and belief to carry on playing well and keep making our little town happy. Dare we dream of the promised land once more? YES WE DO!!!    

Excusez-moi parlez-vous anglais s'il vous plaît?

Excuse me do you speak English please? Although this is not the first phrase I learnt in French, it is certainly the most useful one I've remembered. One of the issues with British people is we are too lazy to learn over languages because we just expect everybody to understand us. I've just got back from a trade show in Lille ran by British and French suppliers. My French is not even basic, but I understand a little so naturally I was the go to person when my British colleagues wanted something and there was only a French person in sight to ask. I didn't mind trying my French because its not often I speak it at all anymore and anyway when I make I mess or I am really not sure I just utter "parlez-vous anglais s'il vous plaît" if they haven't started speaking back English first by then anyway because the majority of my french colleagues or the conference centre staff spoke some English. The big thing for many of the French people I tried to speak to was just trying and they appreciated it so much. Surely you would prefer it if somebody asked if you spoke their language in English first before just talking gibberish to you, right? 

I feel as a nation we are pretty ignorant abroad, everybody is guilty of it in some aspects. The classic line I heard in a French hotel at breakfast was "Well there isn't much English food here is there". Well, no there is not maybe because we aren't in Britain. We have already seen great advances in technology of all kinds meaning we can now trade and buy across the world in an instant and travel to places previously untouched or undiscovered by others before us. Maybe we should just try at least a little bit to all understand the place where we are visiting before we travel somewhere. Embrace the cultures that we visit and experience new and different things, that is the idea of  travelling surely? Or are we all going to carry on complaining about nobody speaks English and there is a lack of English food everywhere we go?